Honestly, Jo hadn't found much of a reason to be out and about in the city. After losing Sam and Cas and Daphne and Buffy - all in one go, she reminds herself darkly - she didn't feel any real need to be in the city. At least in the Roadhouse, she could pretend she was home. She could nurse her handle and let herself sink. No one had to see her, no one had to remind her of the fact this is normal, this is the city.

Screw the city. And screw the gods.

But that only lasted as long as a couple of days, some sort of official summonings. She doesn't care much about why, or what she's supposed to be doing, but Merlin has a point - why not go and check it out? Jo might not be happy about it, or excited about it, but she's out. Head down, hands in her pockets, about three steps from snapping and heading back home - but out. Progress.

That is, until someone bumps into her- her first reaction to tense and attack and the next to apologize, all rolling into a simple: "Hey, watch it-" At least, that's how she starts off. Up until the moment she looks to see who it was who she collided with and she freezes, eyes wide.

"D-Dean?"

The first thing that sinks in is the way he's looking at her. It's been a while since she's had to face him like that - months, actually. That same wide-eyed disbelief, that same grief in seeing her after...it hits her like a wall, that reminder of what she is back home. Of what she's reduced to (nothing). Normally, she would have smiled, cracked some kind of joke to ease the situation before loading him on with facts. Asgard is hard enough to take in for just about anything the first time around, being seeing friends? Dead friends?

Something coils tight in her chest at that, because this Dean is different. This Dean is too much of what she remembers him as back home.

That joke might have been a better idea, now that she thinks about it, but she can't really bring herself to try. Not after the last few days she's had, not after losing everyone and wondering how long it'd be until they came back. Part of her had hoped that maybe they would remember, maybe she wouldn't have to go through all of that information, but now? Now she doesn't care either way.

Because Dean is back, and no matter what, no matter how long, she can't help the way her chest tightens just being able to look at him.

So she ends up giving him a small smile, a little shaded, a little tired. But a lot relieved. "Asgard can do some pretty crazy things from time to time."

Dean might just be getting used to it, but Jo has spent just over a year - a year - trying to accept it. Trying to understand, and settle in, with the idea that when someone leaves, they go home. And when they go home, they have someone to go home to. But her? The moment she leaves the city, she gone. That's it.

It's easier when she's trying to explain it to someone else. It's easier when she can downplay it outward, act like it doesn't keep her up at night, doesn't leave her trembling a moment longer when she realizes people are gone. What if they're gone for good? What if she'll never see them again? What if, seeing Dean stand in front of her now, is the last thing she ever does?

Not that it would be that different from home (god, she misses her mom sometimes).

Dean steps forward, then, wraps his arms around her for a hug, and Jo tenses. Gale left weeks ago, everyone since then, and while Jo isn't really a physically affectionate person normally, after the initial shock Jo melts into his arms. Her face falls into his chest, and her arms go around his middle, and God, she's missed him. Missed him more than she even realized.

That laugh that escapes her at his question is harsh, pained, reminiscent of all the sleepless nights she's had over the past week or so. More, if you wanted to count the trip, that absolute failure of an expedition. Of all the things, it's that trip that has haunted her most, watching everyone die around her. Because of her.

"You have no idea." Is what she eventually says into his shoulder, breathing once, twice, and then pulling away from him- as much as she might be okay with just sitting there, never letting him go and challenging the gods to send him back this time, she can't. Won't let herself.

She has to stand on her own and keep moving. Dean's new which means he needs the rundown and- yeah. Jo gives him a tight smile, an apology of sorts, before she settles. "But showing up here's not any easier."